Subject: suggested quote

Date: Tue Jul 26 00:38:51 2022
User: rarefunk
Message:
“Everybody counts or nobody counts.” From the Bosch series written by Michael Connelly

Date: Tue Jul 26 00:44:06 2022
User: smelborp
Message:
"Whom the gods would destroy, they first make mad." Ancient; no attribution.

Date: Tue Jul 26 06:10:21 2022
User: JackK
Message:
I like funny quotes, but many of the Jack H quotes aren't that funny IMO

Date: Tue Jul 26 10:15:40 2022
User: BuzzClik
Message:
I may be mistaken, but I think that's the first time someone said that about Jack Handy on this discussion board.

Date: Tue Jul 26 12:09:19 2022
User: _.!._
Message:
Then I must 2nd what JackK said. That Handy is no joke.

Date: Tue Jul 26 12:12:28 2022
User: MrFixit
Message:
OK since many of you are not sophisticated enough to appreciate Jack Handey's unique perspective on things, I've removed most of his quotes but left a few which I think even the lesser intellects among you will like. MrFixit P.S. Before you get all offended, I'm just being goofy. But I did scrub a lot of Mr. Handey's stuff. I think when I was compiling the "quote" files I found a bunch of Jack Handey and just cut'n'pasted.

Date: Wed Jul 27 11:46:11 2022
User: MrFixit
Message:
The quote right now is deep and meaningful. Ugh. Who wants that? Did I hear a chorus of "bring back Jack"?

Date: Wed Jul 27 13:28:33 2022
User: olblue
Message:
Not from me you didn't.

Date: Wed Jul 27 14:19:21 2022
User: MrFixit
Message:
Worst Jack quote?

Date: Wed Jul 27 14:36:19 2022
User: olblue
Message:
All of them.

Date: Wed Jul 27 14:59:56 2022
User: MrFixit
Message:
Looks like I kept 7 which I think are pretty funny. When I die I want to go peacefully in my sleep, like Grandpa did, not screaming like his passengers in the car. The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face. Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke." But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like. I think the mistake a lot of us make is thinking the state-appointed psychiatrist is our "friend." Broken promises don't upset me. I just think, why did they believe me? I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex. If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now. My vote for worst Handey woule be: Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someones neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing.

Date: Wed Jul 27 15:17:49 2022
User: Punster
Message:
With a name like "handey", he should use his hand to cover his mouth !! How's that for a quote ? :-)

Date: Wed Jul 27 15:22:30 2022
User: BuzzClik
Message:
I like all the Handey quotes. The ones you kept are fine. At least we are certain that the Handey quotes are all from him. Not always the case with those attributed to historical figures.

Date: Wed Jul 27 15:39:34 2022
User: outskirts
Message:
I thought Stewart Smalley daily affirmations was a helluva lot funnier 😁

Date: Thu Jul 28 09:59:44 2022
User: MrFixit
Message:
Well I dutifully went looking for some Stewart Smalley quotes and only found videos of his lackluster feeble attempts at self-help parody. I was, suffice it say, underwhelmed. Got specifics?

Date: Thu Jul 28 10:51:14 2022
User: jennieinmi
Message:
I don't like Jack Handey quotes, either. Glad you reduced the number of them.

Date: Thu Jul 28 10:56:25 2022
User: Aletta2
Message:
Jack Handey is NOT funny AT ALL! Please remove him.

Date: Thu Jul 28 11:02:17 2022
User: HopDiriDiriDattiriDittiriDom
Message:
Sometimes I like some quotes. None of them was Jack Handy's though (so far, I haven't come across one that I would like of his, but I cannot eliminate the possibility maybe there is some in there or out there).

Date: Thu Jul 28 11:13:15 2022
User: Lindyhopper_Agame
Message:
"Jack Handey is NOT funny AT ALL! Please remove him." I agree.

Date: Thu Jul 28 11:14:58 2022
User: slw2018
Message:
Jack Handey is just weird. He's not funny.

Date: Thu Jul 28 11:17:19 2022
User: cynthie
Message:
I"d love more Winston Churchill. I loved the recent one: “He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."

Date: Thu Jul 28 11:45:38 2022
User: rbf
Message:
I love the Jack Handey quotes and all the others. You do well to find so many. Keep 'em coming please!

Date: Thu Jul 28 11:49:03 2022
User: OldBS
Message:
I love Jack Handy.....and each week when all my kids and grandkids come over for Sunday dinner, I read them the weeks Deep Thoughts.....they love them! I they don't get them, their dads explain them..... :)

Date: Thu Jul 28 11:56:53 2022
User: nug
Message:
Maybe some Dorothy Parker?

Date: Thu Jul 28 12:22:41 2022
User: ASkunkAmongstSkunks
Message:
No to Jack Handy. As soon as I see it's one of his quotes, I immediately skip it.

Date: Thu Jul 28 12:24:00 2022
User: kateblu
Message:
I enjoy most of Jack Handey quotes. As for the rest, I simply realize that when you throw everything at the wall, not all of it sticks.

Link: http://Keep Jack Handey

Date: Thu Jul 28 12:32:58 2022
User: rbw--3
Message:
I guess I just don't get it. Typical Jack Handey joke: "You know something that would really make me applaud? A guy gets stuck in quicksand, then sinks, then suddenly comes shooting out, riding on water skis! How do they do that?!" Jack Handey

Date: Thu Jul 28 12:59:55 2022
User: sharoco
Message:
Reading most of the Jack Handey quotes leave me wishing I hadn't seen it ... or that I could unsee it. Those you include above are less disenheartening but none of them leave me feeling "full of the joys of spring!'. Do you want us to send you more positive stuff, including the up-lifting and inspiring, and especially the funny stuff? I love your site and appreciate all efforts.

Date: Thu Jul 28 13:41:51 2022
User: cynthie
Message:
I'd like to suggest one from our very own kateblu: when you throw everything at the wall, not all of it sticks.

Date: Thu Jul 28 13:48:08 2022
User: olblue
Message:
To add to cynthie and kateblu....when you run something up the flagpole, not everyone salutes.

Date: Thu Jul 28 14:09:23 2022
User: Kumquat-of-Conciliation
Message:
Anybody want to calculate a correlation coefficient linking those who don't like Handey quotes with playing all 8x4, or almost all 8x4? And vice versa, of course. MrFixit?

Date: Thu Jul 28 14:33:42 2022
User: BuzzClik
Message:
Not sure how the correlation will turn out, but here's my data point: Love Handey, and I only play 8x4 when I forget to change the variant.

Date: Thu Jul 28 14:38:15 2022
User: Kumquat-of-Conciliation
Message:
LOL. Interesting - and valid data point, altho yet another variable has now been introduced. Perhaps my posed question should include something like "for those paying attention", or "for those *not* paying attention".

Date: Thu Jul 28 14:38:41 2022
User: BuzzClik
Message:
More gems from Handey: One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late. I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What was THAT?!" We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can't scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me. To me, it's always a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?," you can say, "Sorry, got these sacks." I guess I kinda lost control, because in the middle of the play I ran up and lit the evil puppet villain on fire. No, I didn't. Just kidding. I just said that to help illustrate one of the human emotions, which is freaking out. Another emotion is greed, as when you kill someone for money, or something like that. Another emotion is generosity, as when you pay someone double what he paid for his stupid puppet.

Date: Thu Jul 28 15:32:37 2022
User: emk
Message:
I love the quotes...sometimes Jack is funny, sometimes not, but I enjoy them. All of the quotes. Often I look up up the authors and learn more about them...

Date: Thu Jul 28 16:00:48 2022
User: IvorNoahDicshun
Message:
Kumquat's posed question should also include " no offense but..." as it is so obviously designed to be offensive. As to the quotes, do they have to be funny or should they make us think about stuff?

Date: Thu Jul 28 16:10:04 2022
User: AnonyMouse
Message:
Another "no more Handey" vote here. Unfunniest quotes ever.

Date: Thu Jul 28 16:11:54 2022
User: Pancho_Beelo
Message:
Is Jack Handey funny? No, not even a little bit. Most of the quotes from him not only fail to amuse, they evoke disgust and/or bewilderment. If I were allowed to determine the parameters for including or excluding quotes, I would definitely exclude any that are snide, sneering condescensions about either particular individuals or groups of people.

Date: Thu Jul 28 16:46:07 2022
User: Klepp
Message:
I must admit your parameters seem exceedingly fair and humanely sensible sir, though I suspect the majority of freecell.net's user's senses of humor are far, far coarser than yours...puerile, even...

Date: Thu Jul 28 17:06:23 2022
User: BuzzClik
Message:
Indeed. I might venture that nearly all the quotes in the current rotation would disappear. No Mae West, Churchill, Will Rogers, etc.

Date: Thu Jul 28 17:27:03 2022
User: A_Briefs_Wind
Message:
I believe anyone who doesn't laugh or at least smirk at any Handey quote simply doesn't get it or has been offended by a word or phrase or idea expressed in the quote, leading to an exasperated denial that it is humorous. Quasi-philosophical cracked aphorisms; nothing wrong with Handey (except the clown joke. I was appalled and disgusted! No, I wasn't, not even when I attended Handey's dad's wake) Love the evil puppet quote. Great article on Handy is linked below, with accolades and kudos from many well-known and/or accomplished people.

Link: NYT Dan Kois on Jack Handey

Date: Thu Jul 28 17:28:30 2022
User: olblue
Message:
Denny, perhaps you could bring the Babe of the Day back...surely that wouldn't cause any controversy.

Date: Thu Jul 28 18:58:28 2022
User: DJT2020
Message:
I always appreciate your humor, Denny. My dad quoted this one: I never saw a Purple Cow, I never hope to see one; But I can tell you, anyhow, I'd rather see than be one. But to continue the discussion, I would like to point out that you said you didn't want political commentary on our Freecell website and then you yourself put in something to make fun of Herschel Walker who is currently a candidate for U.S. Senate. Here's a recent quote from the weather.com site about Chinese air pollution: "In a manner of speaking, China is exporting its air pollution to the West Coast of America," lead researcher Willem Verstraeten of the Royal Netherlands Meteorological Institute said in a statement. https://weather.com/science/environment/news/china-emissions-reach-america Herschel Walker may not have made his argument in an intellectual or scholarly fashion, but his point was clear to me. And it matches this article published on weather.com.

Date: Thu Jul 28 20:23:08 2022
User: BuzzClik
Message:
It’s all in the delivery. Walker’s comments were comedy gold. I love Herschel, and I sincerely believe he was trying to be funny.

Date: Thu Jul 28 20:29:16 2022
User: bluedog
Message:
I'm neutral on the Jack Handey quotes: most of them don't strike me as funny but to each his own. The only quote that bothers me is the Woody Allen one about boring, pretty women. Should we ask Bill Cosby and Harvey Weinstein for their relationship insights too?

Date: Thu Jul 28 21:31:38 2022
User: Romaine
Message:
Jack Handey's stuff is consistently hilarious. It's interesting that so many here think he's not. Shows the natural variation in human minds. Solution? Provide a variety in the quotes here to match the variety of minds here.

Date: Thu Jul 28 21:38:14 2022
User: Romaine
Message:
Uhhhh..... which is what you've been doing anyway, of course. I'm just being supportive.

Date: Fri Jul 29 00:16:45 2022
User: _.!._
Message:
Jack Handeys the "Big Bang Theory" of comedy. Seems,from this site at least,people either hate him or love him. With "Big Bang Theory" the same love-hate relationship exists.

Date: Fri Jul 29 00:18:06 2022
User: _.!._
Message:
I mean the TV show,of course. Hate it.

Date: Fri Jul 29 03:21:02 2022
User: BuckyRN
Message:
Without a doubt my favorite observations come from Jack Handy but you have to have the same skewed outlook to understand or find it funny. My favorite....."A child's face says a lot....especially the part around the mouth". Now that's Foxworthy funny in my redneck view of the world.